Infertility, Pregnancy, and Postpartum

Quotes

In the United States, among married women aged 15 to 49 years with no prior births,
about 1 in 5 (19%) are unable to get pregnant after one year of trying (infertility).

– Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Infertility

1549496615“I have always wanted to be a mother.”

One day, you decided it was time for you to become a parent, so you started trying to conceive, thinking it would be easy like most of your friends or family members.

Then you realized that you were not getting pregnant. You started to worry and spoke to your Primary Care doctor, who encouraged you not to worry and referred you to the Fertility Specialist.

During your first fertility appointment, the Specialist asked you many questions to understand your medical history. The Fertility Specialist asked how long you have been trying to get pregnant, and you stated, “for six months.” Her response was, “Well, we do not diagnose infertility until someone has been trying for at least one year,” so the Specialist encouraged you to continue trying to get pregnant.

The information from the Specialist has left you feeling hopeful about getting pregnant. Six months later, you are still not pregnant – causing you to become filled with fear, sadness, hopefulness, and isolation.

You contacted the Fertility Specialist and had a follow-up appointment in which she conducted tests and scheduled more appointments. The suggestion was to start with in vitro fertilization (IVF). Because you cannot wait to be a parent, you quickly ask for the steps required to get the ball rolling. You start the IVF journey.

1062192692Another appointment, another round of tests!

This also means more chances of hearing disappointing news from your Fertility Specialist. You know almost all the IVF Clinics in your neighborhood because you have tried a few without success. You dread attending your appointments because you’re tired of hearing, “The cycle was unsuccessful.

With all the questions, answers, or lack of recommendations, and so many needles, you’re starting to worry about the financial toll the IVF process is putting on your family; however, you do not have another option but to continue – “Maybe this will be my cycle.”

You painfully decide and go for another egg retrieval round with very little hope. Still, there are no other options for you – another round of anesthesia, bloating, hormones, and one medical procedure after another to retrieve the eggs.

2126766026Excitement over the good news is short-lived.

They finally retrieved four eggs. You and your partner are happy for the four eggs; however, this happiness is short-lived. You did not sleep last night because you have been overthinking whether the four eggs are all “mature.”

The next day, you receive a call you’ve been waiting for from the Embryologist. The moment you see that call from the fertility center, your anxiety increases. You are shaking; you do not want to answer that call because you think the Embryologist might have bad news for you like in the past.

You answer the call, and you are right. The Embryologist informs you that three of the four eggs are progressing well, and one is not showing any sign of fertilization. You are sad that one is not making it but happy that the three show signs of fertilizing.

The Embryologist informs you that they will continue to monitor the egg progression and will give you another call. You continue to deal with the anxiety as you wait to hear about the three eggs. The next day is here. You have not slept, you do not have any appetite, and you’re sad and feeling on edge. The Embryologist finally calls and informs you that, unfortunately, all three eggs also did not fertilize. The clinic is also confused about why all three did not progress because they looked good on Day 1.

You’re devasted and disappointed; you have lost hope, causing you to cry uncontrollably. Let’s not forget the physical pain you’re having from the egg retrieval. You have to recover both physically and emotionally.

You followed all the Specialist’s recommendations during this round and still did not get the results you were hoping for. The dream of parenthood is starting to slip further away with each passing day. You need help to learn to manage all the emotions that IVF/IUI brings.

2269493163Therapy can help you navigate fertility stress.

Seeking professional help will make the process of dealing with fertility stress more manageable.
As a therapist, I can help you and your partner explore options you can present to your Fertility Specialist or work through some options for your relationship.

Communication with your partner is usually affected because the fertility journey is too stressful. Therapy can help you learn practical communication skills, address conflict, and strengthen your relationship. Therapy will also help you find ways to maintain your intimacy and connection through these difficult times.

Therapy helps create hope and the power to continue the fertility journey. Because of the ups and downs in the IVF/IUI process, women and men can experience shared anxiety and depression.

Working together will help you learn self-compassion and acceptance. You will learn how to manage your thoughts and challenge the core beliefs related to your situation, like, “It’s my fault that we cannot conceive.” “I am not meant to be a mother.” “I will never make my husband a father.” “He will leave me.”

I can help you handle the emotional roller coaster.

We can help you reframe your story, develop resilience, and focus on your fertility journey with more peace than emotional pain. Therapy will teach you to nurture a sense of purpose, empowering you to remain positive and focused on your journey to parenthood.

Contact me today for more information on how I can help you with your infertility woes.

Pregnancy and PostPartum

431039377Why did I get pregnant?

The joy of pregnancy was supposed to be overwhelming, but instead, you feel suffocated by sadness. The once simple tasks feel like climbing mountains, and facing another day is exhausting.

You have started to regret being pregnant. The stretch marks, weight gain, and morning sickness all make you sad. The weight of your worries keeps crushing you, and the thought of adding parenthood to your already busy schedule is too much to bear.

You have been looking forward to this time of your life; however, you’re not enjoying this moment. Friends and family ask you to hang out; however, you feel like you do not look good.

Your clothes don’t fit well, and getting ready feels exhausting, making you become isolated and leaving you sad and alone.

434948506Birth trauma is genuine!

Whether you give birth vaginally or by C-section, unplanned C-sections leave many women feeling robbed of what they have always wanted (giving birth vaginally).

Your mind keeps racing back to the moment your baby was born, including the sounds, smells, overwhelming number of your birthing team, the amount of blood, and the feeling of being trapped and helpless. The memory of your body tearing apart during the birthing process affects you physically and emotionally.

It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, but now, every cry, every feed, and every glass of your baby’s face brings back all the pain – making you feel powerless, sad, angry, and worried. You are trying to be vital for your baby, but it’s hard.

Nobody understands your pain because you believe that giving birth is supposed to be traumatic. No, you need help to overcome the pain and enjoy being a parent.

You lost your baby!

Miscarriages leave so many families with a shattered dream and a broken heart. You were expecting to hold your baby. You had so many plans for your baby, and suddenly, all the joy was swept away.

You’re dealing with many emotions and pain that no one understands. You are grieving, dealing with a scar that will never fully heal.

“I am an NICU mom.”

The NICU room is or was a blur of monitors and machinery. You’re feeling sad for your tiny baby hooked up to all those monitors – the hum of the ventilators and the beeps of the heart monitor. You think the worst is about to happen to your baby, leaving you scared, with no appetite, sad, angry, and feeling guilty.

The pain of leaving your baby in the NICU and going home is overwhelming. You never thought that you would go back home without your baby, leaving them to be taken care of by the doctors and nurses. These feelings create self-blame. “I did something wrong; that’s why my child is or was in the NICU.” “If I hadn’t done things, maybe my child would be fine.” “My child is going to be permanently disabled.”

Thoughts are consuming you. You are insecure about taking your child out because you do not want others to judge you. He looks so tiny. Your baby can’t fit in any of the clothes you bought because you never expected to give birth to a preemie.

All your plans to dress up your baby and take those newborn pictures become shattered, leaving you hopeless about your baby’s future and your future with your baby.

1585628503Postpartum is a shared experience.

One in seven moms and one in ten dads suffer from postpartum depression (American Psychological Association, PSI and National Institute of Health).

It has been over a month since you had your baby, and you’re still trying to understand why you’re crying a lot. You do not feel happy and overwhelmed with the tasks you must complete; you and your partner fight more, and you do not feel connected to your baby. Your baby’s cry sounds like a siren.

The world expects you to be happy since you finally achieved your goal of being a mother, but you have a suffocating fog that does not seem to go away, making it hard for you to enjoy being a mother or to complete even the simple tasks. Many birthing people expect joy, but they end up dealing with exhaustion, tears, and being forced to smile for the sake of their babies. Deep down, however, they are drowning in sadness.

You always hear the saying, “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” The sadness and the number of tasks you must do can’t even allow you to sleep. Looking in the mirror, the body you once had is gone (weight gain, stretch marks, soreness). You have always planned to breastfeed your baby, but the baby is not latching, and your breasts feel painful. Nothing is going as you planned.

672165244Therapy can help you navigate the parenthood journey.

Professional help will make the parenting process much more manageable. As your therapist, I will help you and your partner explore options you can present to your Fertility Specialist or work through some options for your relationship.

Communication among the couple is usually affected because the fertility journey is too stressful. I will help you learn practical communication skills, address conflict, and continue to strengthen your relationship. You will also find ways to maintain intimacy and connect through difficult times.

I aim to help create hope and the power to continue the parenthood journey. Because of the ups and downs in the IVF/IUI process, the stress, birth trauma, anxiety, and postpartum depression from being a new parent, therapy will create space for you to address the feelings of sadness and anxiety and explore the past trauma. Working together will help you to learn self-compassion and acceptance and develop skills to manage stress and sleep deprivation, allowing you to build and connect with your social support and address any birthing trauma.

You will learn how to manage your thoughts and challenge the core beliefs related to your situation, like “It’s my fault that we cannot conceive.” “I am not meant to be a mother.” “I will never make my husband a father.” “It’s my fault that my child is in the NICU.” “I am a bad mother.” “My body will never be the same.”

Let’s make parenthood less stressful for you.

I will help you reframe your story, develop self-awareness and resilience, and be more able to focus on your fertility or parenthood journey with more peace than emotional pain.

Therapy will teach you to nurture a sense of purpose, empowering you to remain positive and focused on your journey to parenthood and navigate the emotional pain of the postpartum life, fostering a more robust, more empowered transition into motherhood or parenthood.

If you are ready for less stressful parenthood, please get in touch with me today.